Listening

My hair has been a train wreck. Rainbow shades of brown, brass and pumpkin in trying to let myself gradually go grey. The styling of it, a non style that never does much. This all coming from someone whose hair was one of the features I liked best about myself

I’d stayed with this stylist, I guess out of loyalty which is the wrong reason to stay….anywhere. He never really seemed to hear me and went more with what he thought it should be. Anytime I pointed out that there seemed definite and obvious bands of color through my hair that ‘it was the lighting”. Of course that’s stupid reasoning….if it’s showing in this light, it’s showing in most lights.

A month ago I decided I’d had enough and found a new place to go.

This time, a young girl. Twenty one.

I couldn’t be happier

I realized something this morning. The skill of listening.

The way people listen, and I’m guilty of some of this too. We can listen to hear and understand, which of course is the best option. But then there is listening to argue or debate, where people pull out what they can disagree with and ignore what is there to agree with. There’s also listening that happens where people will pull out what can offend them most and twist it up with interpretations and declare it to be exactly what was said. Complex missing the original intention

The same as with my former male stylist is TJ’s listening.

When Jackie says ‘sex to man is typically about 85% visually ignited and 15% emotionally lit while for women it’s the reverse, TJ processed that as she’s got less of a sex drive than he does and decided they aren’t compatible. End of story.

Clearly, he didn’t hear her. She has a great sex drive, and despite her repeatedly asking for things that would ‘ignite” her….he didn’t listen to understand.

Example: One of her repeated requests was to make ‘dates’ with each other. The process of getting ready for it, the primping, fantasizing and alone time was a physical need for her.

Sit down before you read this next paragraph:

His reply was that having to set up a date with her was insulting to him. Why? Because it insults him to have to schedule time with her.

Seriously on what planet is a date with a woman who’s wound herself up for it…insulting? As if there was nothing in it for him too? A horny female?

Selfish? Not listening? Both?

The point of this is….he’s not listening to understand.

Which means it’s time to move on and leave that situationship.