Yuck

Not sure why, but today has been kind of icky for me. I hate how this feels. Ended up taking a nap, which reminds me of how I used to feel when I was involved with the toxic one. Cranky, depressed. Looking for a mindless escape. I don’t like it

I don’t want him back in my life, but yet each day I still think of him. Typically it’s just a fleeting thought, but today I am stuck in it.

Why today? I don’t know. My best guess is boredom. Not feeling that great about myself physically doesn’t help that either. I could have done something to flip it and chose nothing instead. Obviously not a smart choice.

I feel like I took 5 steps back today.

I get healing isn’t linear.

I wonder….does he miss me?

Who wouldn’t miss a subservient human being who required little to no effort, went along with your dramas, easily manipulated and gaslit, and no sense of self or worth?

So I answer my own question, but it doesn’t empower me. It saddens me.

This is the first day I’ve wasted this way in a very, very long time.

Tomorrow is President’s day. A day off for me.

I have to do the day better and turn my attention back to me m.